


Shock Me Into Confessing

by justalittletoogay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, james is sirius' manager, makeup artist lily, makeup artist remus, rockstar Sirius, seriously they're so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 06:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19223515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalittletoogay/pseuds/justalittletoogay
Summary: Sirius is a closeted gay rockstar who is very much in love with his makeup artist Remus. Remus is a makeup artist who is very much in love with "straight" rockstar Sirius. James and Lily are exasperated and just want them to date already.





	Shock Me Into Confessing

**Author's Note:**

> hi there are tw's in the notes at the end, warning: spoilers.  
> enjoy <3

Remus had extraordinarily cold hands, but Sirius wasn’t sure if that was why he was shivering. Remus was currently grasping his chin, tiling it up to brush eyeshadow under his waterline. As tame as it sounded, Remus was in between Sirius’s leather-clad legs, and making direct eye contact with Sirius. Sirius could almost hear his heartbeat pounding, and internally prayed that Remus couldn’t feel it through the hand he had curled around his neck. Sirius frantically tried to avert his eyes, instead directing his gaze at Remus’s black button down. ‘He has such nice collarbones,” Sirius sighed internally.

 

“U-uh, thank you.”

 

Sirius met Remus’s eyes, feeling waves of terror rise through his body. Remus had a surprised smile on his face. Sirius gave a weak smile back. “You’re...welcome?” he rubbed his arm.

“Alright we’re done. Anything for the lips Siri?” He teased. “Ugh, no. You know I have too much upper lip sweat for lipsticks. And we’re in an outdoor venue.” He grimaced. Remus laughed and placed his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “You’ll do great.” He reassured him. Well, here was one place Sirius could be as cocky as he liked. “Oh darling, I know. I’ve got a great surprise ready for them, the new song Lily was telling you about. It’s gonna rock their world.” He smirked at Remus, who was rolling his eyes. “You’re so full of yourself. Get out of here or James is going to kill me.” He patted Sirius’s shoulder awkwardly, before snatching his hand back and turning away to shut the eyeshadow palettes.

 

Sirius hopped up from the makeup counter and waltzed over to the door where James was surely waiting. He glanced back at Remus and could’ve sworn he saw a light pink flush on his cheeks. Pushing the door open, he was immediately bombarded with complaints of taking to long in the makeup room. “Jamesy, it’s makeup. I can’t rush the artist.” James scoffed. “You can’t rush the artist because you wanna get in his pants, Pads!” Sirius shoved him and hastily pulled the door shut behind him. He glared at James. “He didn’t even hear, you drama queen!” James yelled. “He would’ve heard that.” He mumbled sulkily as James tugged his arm.

 

“Right, let’s get to the backstage area then.” James speedwalked faster and nodded. “This way.” He led Sirius down a hallway with low lighting and starch white walls. As they reached the end of the hall, a stout man wearing a white dress shirt (the buttons were very strained) greeted them. “Ello lads, the stage is on the left, here’s your microphone.” He pulled Sirius’s collar and fastened the clip there, putting the boxier part of the microphone at his waist. Sirius sucked in a breath as the woman on stage announced his name to the sound of loud applause and chanting. “You’re all ready then.” The man said. Sirius nodded and James patted his back. He strode forward entering the bright stage.

 

~

 

“He said I have nice collarbones Lily!” Remus shouted, plopping down on the couch.“He’s so pretty.” He sighed. “It’s not fair, how can someone so talented be so pretty and so funny. Ugh.” He pouted, shoving his face into the cream cushion. “Remus, get your head out of that pillow, you’ll miss the best part!” Lily poked his arm. He jolted his head up, staring at the TV that was broadcasting Sirius’s performance. “His voice is angelic. It’s angelic and sexy. See what I mean? It’s not fair Lily.” Lily rolled her eyes. “I love what you did with his makeup today Remus.” She commented as the camera zoomed in for a close up of Sirius’s face. “Yeah he requested something smokey. God Lily! Speaking of his makeup, I was so awkward. Oh my god I think he hates me now.”

 

“What? He doesn’t hate you. He came out of the makeup room giggling and blushing like a little teen. Well he always does that anyway.” Lily stared at Remus’s worried face. “What’d you do anyway?” She asked. Remus groaned. “It was awkward as hell Lils. I was super close to his face and slotted in between his fucking thighs, it was super hot let me tell you, and then... I patted his shoulder like a kindergarten teacher. Who even does that? I couldn’t even make eye contact with him.” Lily laughed. “It’s not that bad. Besides, he can’t hate you, he literally gave you a compliment, you idiot.” She reasoned.

 

“That was BEFORE the shoulder patting Lily!” Remus said. Lily gave him a look. “Alright you hopeless bastard, your beloved is performing his new song so..” She tilted her head at the screen. His eyes shot towards the TV. They stared at Sirius dancing to the thundering beat in his new song. “He’s rolling his hips Lily. God, I can’t with this.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Oh my god! Look! He just winked at the camera. He’s ripping his shirt open!” Remus covered his face in his hands, only to crack them open to peek at the TV. “I’ve got it so bad.” He muttered. “I had NO idea! Really? Wow, I thought-”

“Ha ha, shut up, Lily.” Remus responded, a simpering smile stretched wide on his lips.

 

~

 

“James. James. Jamesy. Prongs.” Sirius whined, enunciating each word with a firm poke. “What is it Pads?” James threw his book down, an exasperated expression on his face. “I think Remus likes me.” Sirius looked at James with wide eyes and a serious set to his lips. “Sirius you say that every time and then 2 hours later you say he hates you.” James looked at Sirius. “Mm, but no this time is for real.” Sirius nodded. “And why do you say that?” James asked with a bored look. “He’s always touching my face!” Sirius exclaimed. “That’s his job, you idiot.” James rolled his eyes. “He was flirting with me for sure. I saw it. He had that sultry look in his eyes.” Sirius grinned at the memory.

 

“He was putting makeup on you Siri! He wasn’t sucking your dick or something," Cue Sirius shoving him, "How can someone have a sultry look in their eyes as they squint at black crayon on your eyes and put powder on your cheeks?” James threw his hands up. “Well, Remus does it.” Sirius said defensively. “Well, if he WAS flirting with you, and you like him as well, why in the everloving fuck have you not asked him out already?” James raised an eyebrow at him. “I can’t. We’re co-workers, so we should be professional, for one thing. For another, if he even says yes, I’m not out as a gay performer, so if anyone caught us...It would not be good.” His voice was quiet. “ James’ exasperation dissipated.

 

He rubbed Sirius’s shoulder. “It’s alright Siri. You can make it work. You have options, you know. It’s getting ridiculous at this point, you’ve been tripping over your tail running after the bloke for months now!” James smiled at him. “Sirius smiled, the expression unsure on his lips. “I’ll think about it.”

 

~

Remus was doing his makeup again. The brush stilled on his face. “Hey Sirius?” he asked quietly. “Yeah?” sirius looked up from his phone. “I want to do something different today.” He said, his voice wavering slightly. “Do tell, darling.” Sirius winked. Remus blushed vividly and turned away. He cleared his throat. “Let’s do colour. And dark lips.” Remus spoke confidently. Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed. “You sure about that? Won’t really go with the rocker theme, will it?” He asked. “The way I’ll do it, it will.” Remus said firmly. “Well, the venue is air conditioned, no harm trying something out.” Sirius shrugged, looking back down at his phone. Remus grinned, he was going to do something fabulous.

 

_45 minutes later._

 

“Holy shit Remus. I look fucking amazing.” He turned to Remus with an awestruck raise to his eyebrows. “You like it then?” Remus asked. “Course I like it you buffoon, just said I look great, didn’t I?” Sirius was still staring at his reflection. Remus met his eyes in the mirror. “I dunno, could’ve been you just singing your own praises.” He snickered. Sirius flicked him, standing up. “Everyone is so mean to me!” He complained as he strode towards the black door. Placing his hand on the door knob, he looked at Remus. “Remmy?” He called. Remus looked up from packing up and stared at Sirius. “You are amazing.” Sirius said seriously. Remus flushed, as Sirius grinned lazily and slipped out the door.

 

~

 

Sirius was going to be as amazing as Remus was.

 

~

 

Remus could barely breathe as he watched Sirius bend, twist and _sing_. As Sirius licked his lips and danced as if it was his last dance, he really thought he was going to pass out, his heart was so far up his throat.

 

~

 

Sirius was exhausted. Currently, he was sipping water slowly, sprawled out on a big hotel bed. He raised his camera, wincing at the soreness in his bicep, He winked, sticking his tongue out at the camera. After adding filters and some text at the bottom of the insta-story thanking his audience for the performance, he posted the picture. He small smile rose on his face as he scrolled through his feed. There were pictures, videos and edits of the concert already. He clicked on a few and added them to his story. He scrolled down a little further, suddenly stopping at a post.

 

**Breaking News: 37 Dead in Gay Bar**

Today, in one of london’s most popular gay clubs, Stella, a shooter entered the premises. Click on my bio for the article. Sending prayers to the family of the victims. #prayforstella

 

Sirius frantically clicked on the user’s bio, eyes scanning the page it lead to. His heart thundered in his chest as he read. He felt his eyes fill with tears as the article described the incident. “It was in cold blood.” he whispered to the empty room. He pushed himself up on a shaky arm. The article held images of the trashed bar, the flashing red and blue outside the fractured windows of the building. He shook silently as he read on. He set the phone down as the page ended. Cradling his head in his hands, he tried to breathe evenly.

 

London was his home. He’d grown up there, he lived there to this day. He had run from his parents in London. He’d met James there. He was picked up by a record company in London. Everything had changed and everything was the same in London. _He’d met Remus in London._ He couldn’t think clearly, all that ran through his head was images of red lights and blood stained floors, violent fear ripping through him. The article hadn’t said the names of the people shot, simply naming a number. As if that’s all they were. Statistics.

 

He blinked through hot tears, reaching for a pillow. He screamed into it, frustration, anger, fear and empathy pouring out of him. _‘They were kids. Teenagers and young adults doing nothing but trying to accept themselves and others. Now they were dead. Gone, there was nothing left of them but a corpse and a number. Their legacy simply being one of 37.’_ The thoughts pounded at his skull. There was so much stuffed into his brain, and yet more still flooded in. _‘How selfish can I be? Be gay in secret, living my true life quietly, but still getting the privilege of heterosexuality? It’s wrong.’_ And suddenly the thoughts stopped,simply leaving one. _‘It’s wrong.’_

 

Sirius pulled out a pencil and paper. He didn’t stop writing for 3 hours.

 

~

Remus simply felt empty. Hollowed out. There were headlines flashing in front of him, the same number running before his eyes over and over. There were videos and pictures, endless posts with the hashtag _#prayforstella._ The words almost didn’t mean anything. A video played automatically, the imagery graphic. Remus couldn’t swipe past in time, his eyes catching splatters of red.

 

Bile surged in his throat, his legs scrambling towards the restroom. He shoved the door open, emptying his stomach into the bowl. He leaned his cheek into the cold porcelain, shutting his eyes. His chest fell and rose heavily.

 

“Remus, can you help me with this palette?” Lily called. She entered the bathroom, staring at Remus. “Oh my god Remmy.” She knelt down beside him, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Hey Lily.” he croaked. “Remus, come on.” She pulled him towards her, hooking her arms under his. She tugged him upwards, and grasped his waist. “Put your weight on me Remus.” The stumbled out of the bathroom, managing to stumble down onto his bed. They laid back, breathing deeply. After she caught her breath, Lily propped herself on her elbow, staring at Remus’s slightly shaking form. “What happened Remus?” she asked quietly. His eyelashes fluttered slightly as he drew in a breath. “My phone.” Lily looked quizzically at him. “Get it.” he said quietly. She reached over him and picked it up, her fingerprint already in the system. The phone _pinged_ unlocked, and her eyes met the same headlines that lead Remus to be in this state. As she read silently, the only sound in the barely lit room was the swish of the fan and the exhales Remus emitted. He opened his eyes, sitting up to stare through the open curtains at the city lights and distant moon. The room was irradiated by building signs and moonlight. He sighed softly at the beautiful view; the thoughts in his head were precisely the opposite.

 

“Oh, Remus.” Lily’s voice cut through the quietness. She shuffled next to him, placing a hand on the small of his back. “Yeah.” He replied softly. She leaned into his shoulder, stroking his back rhythmically. They sat together, not a word said.

 

“Remus.” Suddenly Lily spoke, after the two had sat in the hushed moonlight, sorting through their thoughts. Remus turned his head to meet her gaze. “Did you flush the toilet?” She said seriously. “No,” Remus laughed. “That’s very unhygienic you know! It’ll smell tomorrow and god knows if it stays there too long what’ll happen…” She trailed off. Remus was still silently chuckling at her worries. She looked at him defensively. “What?” She said. “Nothing! Just...I love that the toilet bowl is what you’re worried about.” He grinned. “Oi! It’s a health hazard!” She flicked his cheek lightly. “Very diligent Lils.” Remus said with a serious face(though his eyes still sparkled with laughter). She laughed, “You arse.”

 

~

 

Sirius was nearing the end of his last performance in the tour. He finished the last song, throwing his neck back, the feeling of bliss still coursing through him. Nothing quite felt like playing his guitar and letting the songs he loved most flow from his mouth. He looked at the crowd, which was still screaming his name and clapping unsynchronised. “Hello you brilliant people!” He yelled at the crowd. They screamed louder(obviously), and he blew them a kiss. He waited for the cheering to die down before beginning. “So guys, this is the last show on my tour and I thought we could have a little heart to heart for a bit.” The audience got quieter. “As many of you all know, there was a terrible tragedy in London last night. I’d like a moment of silence for the lives lost and the family of the victims, please.” He looked down, listening to people stop talking, and the faint sounds of shoes squeaking and coughing. He looked up after 30 seconds, his eyes meeting a see of lights. The crowd had their phone lights on, dozens of people hoisting them into the air. Sirius reached onto the stool with water and his phone on it and raised his as well.

 

~

 

Remus was in the crowd tonight. He couldn’t make it to do Sirius’s makeup so he had decided to see him live instead of on the dressing room TV. “Thank you all, for participating in that.” Sirius’s voice floated through the people currently raising phone lights. As everyone sat down and lowered their lights, Sirius spoke again. “I have another song, just for you all. And for this song I encourage you to film and post this. Here we go.” Remus glanced at the band behind Sirius, who all had confused expressions on their faces. Sirius put down his electric guitar, picking up a regular one. He began to strum chords, the melody wafting through the speakers. Sirius opened his mouth and sung a song Remus had never heard before. Sirius spoke of a whirlpool within him, the tides sucking him in. He sung of the two worlds he could step in between, and how he’s pulled from each side. He sung that he was a man of one world but living in another, how he longed to go home, though he ran from the responsibilities. Sirius sang and sang and sang till his hands stopped strumming the strings of the brown guitar.

 

Sirius looked up from his guitar, the audience screaming and cheering. Sirius smiled, a real one. Not cocky or a smirk. Remus clapped too, shouting Sirius’s name. Sirius waited again, for the noise to cease. “Thank you for that response. I’d like to talk about the meaning of that song, and it’s creation. I wrote that song last night, after hearing about the shooting. I was absolutely disgusted with the situation and really feeling for the victims. Most importantly I decided it was time to stop hiding.” Sirius stopped and swallowed, fingering his guitar. “Hello everyone. I am Sirius Black, and I am a gay man,” Cue the overwhelming screams, “This song is about me living under the guise of a straight person, when I myself am homosexual. I realised that it’s unfair of me to parade around as straight and get the privilege of heterosexuality when my sisters, brothers and siblings in the LGBTQ+ community are being killed for who they are.” Sirius’ voice cracked, he looked on the verge of crying, “So here I am. I’m going to live my life as me, and I am a gay man who is extremely in love with another _amazing_ man. Thank you, have an brilliant night! I love you all!” Sirius wiped his eyes and waved before quickly running off the stage.

 

The crowd was screaming support, and various declarations of love were shouted. Remus’ higher brain functions pretty much stopped. Sirius was gay. He was _in love_ . Remus’ heart was beating obscenely loud in his ears, his head splitting between wanting to believe that he was the ‘amazing’ man Sirius spoke of and wallowing in self pity that _of course_ Sirius wouldn’t like him. A certain someone interrupted his very dramatic conflict.

 

“Idiot. What in god’s good glory are you waiting for? Go get him!” Lily pinched his cheek hard. “First of all, OW. Second of all, there’s no way he’s referring to me! It’s probably someone attractive and cool enough for Sirius. So in other words, not me.” Remus rubbed his throbbing cheek morosely.

“Okay but even if you aren’t the man he’s lovin,” Lily shimmied her shoulders, Remus mimed puking, “He looked like he was near crying when he scampered off! Don’t you want to support the poor bloke?”

 

Remus considered. Which didn’t last that long, because before Lily could try convincing him further he had already jetted off. He ripped through the crowd and ran until he reached the dressing room. He scanned his key card with a shaky hand as he tried to regulate his panting. He pushed the door open, revealing Sirius at his dressing room table, bent over with his head in his hands. The room was dark save for the slivers of light streaming in from the door and windows.

 

Remus looked at him, knocking on the door belatedly. Sirus’s head moved slightly towards where Remus was standing awkwardly in the doorway. “Remus? Come in.” Remus shuffled in and close the door. Sirius looked as if he was wiping his eyes, his face looking strange and empty. Sirius turned to him. “Siri? Are you okay?” Remus asked. “I’m quite alright Remmy dear, don’t worry.” Sirius’ voice was bright, yet something seemed wrong. He eyes looked dull and his smile was too tight.

 

“What’s going on?” Remus asked softly. “Did you not hear? I said was fine.” Sirius snapped. Remus didn’t hesitate. “Sirius. What is going on. You’re acting like I did something even though I haven’t done anything but ask you how you are. So tell me what’s happening.” Sirius sighed and stared at the ceiling. Remus took Sirius’ hand and led him to the leather sofa sitting adjacent to the door.

 

“Everything’s going to be different now.” he whispered as he falls onto the cushions. “How so?” Remus sat beside him. Sirius glanced at Remus and their joined hands before squeezing Remus’ hand. “It’ll be harder to get deals, I’ll lose followers, I’ll probably have to tighten security for a bit since I’ll be in media a lot for a while.” Remus nodded. “It’s fucking difficult to be queer. Not that you would know but-”  


“I think I may have misheard.” Remus’ voice was amused.

“Yeah, I mean, you aren’t gay so you wouldn’t know how hard it is to be gay.” Sirius carried on.

“Sirius.”

“What?”

“I am extremely gay.” Remus was grinning at him.

“Are you serious?” He asked

“That tends to be you,” Sirius grinned back, “And yes. I am.”

“Uh, wow. That’s. Great?” Sirius said, unsure.

“I’m not sure if it’s great, but it is what it is.” Remus laughed.

“Yeah. It is what it is. For you I guess.” Sirius frowned.

“It can be what it is for you too. Just because you came out, doesn’t make you obliged to go to gay pride parades, and only do queer music. You are still Sirius before a gay man. You get to do what you want to do. Say no if you don’t want to be a ‘queer icon’. It’s your choice Sirius.” Remus intoned gently.

“Yeah I can choose what I want. I hope no one expects me to be any different after this. Actually. I will be a little different. I can use ‘he’ in my songs and say I have gay crushes.” He thought aloud.

 

“You’ll be fine.” Remus assured him, making circles with his thumb.

Sirius smiled at him. “Yeah. I’ll get there.”

 

Sirius leaned into Remus’ shoulder, staring straight ahead. Remus shifts, sliding his arms over Sirius’ shoulders, pulling the teary eyed musician into an awkwardly angled hug. Sirius goes rigid in Remus’ grasp before relaxing and straddling him. Remus strokes the nape of his neck, not saying anything. Sirius chokes back a sob, burying his face into the crook of Remus’ neck. “I’m scared.” He whispers, his words warbled through his tears. “I know.” Remus responds quietly.

 

They hold each other in their arms for longer than the two can bother to count. Remus pulls back slowly after the ache in his thighs grows too strong to ignore and after Sirius’ breathing has slowed to woeful sighs every once in a while. Sirius looks at him once they’ve pulled away just far enough to admire the other. Neither say a word, simply sweeping their gazes over features and glistening smiles.

 

Sirius placed his hand on Remus’ cheek, leaning in slowly, his eyes still open, checking Remus’ response with frantic eyes. Remus leaned in almost too quickly, pressing his lips to Sirius’ without bothering to slow his pace. Sirius laughed inwardly, melting into the kiss, his nerves soothed from Remus’ grounding touch. They pull back eventually, from the sweet kiss, eyes closed. Sirius slid off of Remus’ lap, his head perching itself in the warmth of Remus’s thighs. Remus smiled faintly, finger-combing Sirius’ hairspray sticky locks.

 

Slowly, the night looped into day, though they didn’t notice, for they were deep asleep, still held in each other’s hands.

 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> TW: gun violence(just mentions and it's not graphic at all) and vomiting 
> 
> so this is based off of an tumblr prompt on this concept, i don't know which one it is bc i've been putting off working on this fic for like, at least 2 months lmao. please give me validation in the comments bc i am a (sad) thirsty hoe. thanks for reading!


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